You Are Who You Choose to Be

Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

– Heidegger

Though Heidegger would argue that we do indeed have a “destiny” from which we can’t uncoil ourselves, he also believes that the frontiers of that destiny are shaped by nothing other than the paths we choose to take. When we’re born, we have a multitude of opportunities in front of us. Not a limitless or unbounded framework (we can’t change things that are simple facts, i.e. if you’re born in California you can never state accurately that you’re a born and bred Texan…try as hard as some Californian emigrees might!) but the options are so expansive that for all intents and purposes, you get to shape who you become with almost complete control. This is important to consider as we’re moving through certain paths that we’ve chosen. You’re never bound by where you are, you can always make a choice to step off, turn around, or even take a seat for a bit and reflect.

I’m not going to take the chance to make this post about the ownership of the choices we make, that’s better suited in other places. Suffice it to say though, that the simple understanding that you’re nothing other than what you chose to be is critical. So often we define who we are by the facts of our externalities. We see this a lot in our professions. When asked “who are you?” would you be able to give a complete, honest, introspective description of who you are…or would you say “I’m a nurse” or “I’m a teacher” or “I’m an accountant” etc.? All of these things are perhaps true elements of what you do; none of which are essential, intrinsic components of who you are.

The point here being that when we start defining ourselves in this way, we convince ourselves that being anything else is not possible. If you’re identity is concretely defined as a mother of two, who is an IT professional that lives in the Denver metro area, choosing to become a painter or a poet might seem so far outside that paradigm that it’s not worth pursuing. But if, on the other hand, you remember that you’re bound by nothing other than the choices you make, you can see that you’re free to become whatever it is that you want to be. This will be the totality of who you are when you die. You will be the amalgamation of your experiences, not the definition of your personal, professional, or social roles.

I’ll address this a little further in a post about Heidegger’s idea of ‘being-towards-death’ where he discusses freeing himself from the “pettiness of life” in order to be free to become himself. He says we can only do this by confronting and acknowledging the reality of death…and that’s a lot for me on a snowy, early April morning.